Tit for tat? Trends April 2022

I’m a big fan of Marissa Mayer. That means I think she’s really hot. But actually, I have a very deep intellectual block with the blondie. Not just because my ancestors have black skin, my hair is also black and people can’t seem to stop talking about how ugly my intimate pictures are–brown? That’s not how you make beer. The ex Yahoo! CEO, tutored by Google giant Larry Page, has a Stanford education. There, they taught the girl, now pretty mommy, that Linguistics was coding. Language was coding. Communication was coding. Emotions were trackable with technology, predicted with technology, and instilled by technology. Controlled by technology. Extended, minimized, censored. Spoken words aren’t words: they’re an mp3 file. Songs are just dot wav if you don’t have an ISRC. Even if you do, music is tech for Spotify. And don’t criticize, because Sweden ranks first in the Freedom House rank.

I’ve had to explain to my last student, a stack developer, that linguistics in the classic definition was an area championed by Ferdinand de Saussure after the First World War. Form and content. Everyone that hears the word content today associates it with an internet post. Form? It’s about CTA and design, not about the message at all. And not about the medium: it’s really about the color of someone’s hair, how fast they can speak, whether or not they can provide for a family. And Marissa, you clearly can. But what about that contact tracing thing, girl?

In an interview (I quit this citing my sources thing, don’t you all watch every single thing I do anyway? Pull it out of your own illegal software), Marissa says not that “personalization comes with a cost”, but rather, “personalization costs”. Take out the verb “to come” from the mouth of the Tumblr boss, no preposition and no article either. I’ll tell you what LinkedIn thinks I should be doing as of today, with their recommended jobs, personalized for me: 1) Spanish content writer; 2) English teacher in Piracicaba branch of a major company, a city in the countryside, on site; 3) English teacher in Osasco, the neighboring city to São Paulo, also on site, for a company without a name; 4) Sales Development Representative for an investments firm, on site, in São Paulo; 5) Open English (they only hire natives); 6) Content Writer for a Salesforce partner, with requirements of 2 years of experience in marketing; 7) Teach English to Uzbekistan; 8) Write content for kids for a company with terrible reviews online; 9) Content Creator with a 100k dollar a year salary for a company that requires you to pass a logics test, which I’ve applied for and failed twice, then gave up, especially considering it was the first phase; 10) A job I actually applied to on February 21, but haven’t heard from the recruiters. It’s April 5.

Tell me, Marissa… have you heard of Rocket Reach? What’s your opinion on that platform? What about Stripe? Payoneer? Patreon? Linktree? OnlyFans? How do you feel about Tether? Oh, yeah: what’s your opinion on Kahoot? What about Duolingo? And have you heard of Zapier? But maybe more interestingly, which do you think will be shaping the industry’s remote future: Zoom, Teams or Meet? These are all going to be performance reviews with higly personalized feedback, correct? What about FaceTime? And Snapchat, of course? There you go. A bunch of unanswered questions. And the funny thing is that I’m pretty sure Jen Psaki would have very good answers to all of them.

Crypto is being discussed as a model of support. It’s not. Twitter is being approached, or rather, has been, for many years, as the voice of the people. It’s not. Facebook hasn’t distributed free vaccines. Microsoft didn’t pay people’s carrier plans so they could use language (that thing humans invented to interact with other humans) alone in their bedrooms to connect to their loved ones. Blockchain is a financial model turned institution, not a human story. Hunger and violence, bribes and ransomware, corruption and deceit: these are the trends for this month. And the next. And the other one too. Then it’s August. My birthday. 33 years old, the age of Jesus Christ. There’s a great book by Brazilian author Rubem Fonseca called “August”. He recently passed away. Former cop. He wrote a mix of fiction and non-fiction intertwining two targetted attack networks: one aimed at the sitting president — the man who founded Brazilian oil giant Petrobras — and the other aimed at the journalist that covered his campaign, before TV was even widespread. I didn’t finish this book. Maybe I don’t know what the trends are for April because this month always moves me; maybe nobody knows anything. But I wrote these words, here. I asked a few questions. They will remain unanswered. And all the underlying context will remain hidden. You know what else? I won’t get paid. How’s that for democracy? At least if I use my sharpie on my skin, it doesn’t hurt as much as needles and ink: personalization for your body. And I thought staying a chick with a smaller chest was going to be painful enough. I don’t know, Jesus got crucified…

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