It’s kind of a given that everyone online speaks English and if you don’t you’re missing out, but because I’ve been a teacher since 2008 (and that’s not a lot of time, but I was 18 and now I feel like I’m in the age of retirement), I’ll share some things that have little to do with my personal history, journey, adventure or whatever. Connecting the world, Facebook, bla bla bla. Can we not be boring? I wanna pinpoint aspects of openness to difference, how that can distract us from reality and change our sense of priority, but also good things that can come out of your overlooked likes and follows. And finally, to say that not everything is about that. Except I won’t do any of that. I said I want to, not that I will. The story would matter if it weren’t for the details. I often say I have 3 online relationships that matter. But because I can’t avoid to make a bad analogy, here’s 3 things, details, that we don’t often think about, and we probably should, if we want to live in or build the next moment of digital life — and why not, maybe both:
The past decade was a mess, wasn’t it? The short: all these giant tech corporations want to say it’s all our fault. I mean, how do I know it’s you if your email doesn’t have your full name? Wait, nobody does that. Ever. In fact, Beyond Trust, a company founded in 1985 specialized in identity, access and vulnerability management, says every person should have at least 4 different home accounts, while others have pointed out that the pandemic has revealed how invasive marketers can be when asking for subscriptions and email sign up. Radicati Group, based in Palo Alto, informs that the average number of accounts per user is expected to be 1.86 in 2022, totalling 4.2 billion accounts worldwide, with almost 300 billion emails sent every single day — a mind-blowing stat. And it’s worth mentioning that an average of 2 is just the indicator that people are likely to have another identity afterall, but average numbers are not representative of wealth gaps, for example: the minimum wage in Brazil is eleven hundred real, but I’m here catching coins to smoke my cigarettes while Microsoft buys Activision for 69 billion dollars, and all I can say about that is the number is great, I like it. But look, I won’t lie: I’ve had around 50 different accounts. Maybe 30, I don’t remember. Probably more than 20. And I’ll just keep lowering the number so it looks less bad. Yeah, alright: today, I use 3: Microsoft, then personal and professional Gmail. That’s an actual fact. But I have a feeling that the culture of throwaway accounts isn’t being explored critically enough. Someone I talked to recently was convinced that my 67 year old aunt not seeing my private parts was a good reason to create another account, while she thought maybe I wanted to have one to sneak on people. Here’s where we disagree: I don’t. And speaking of culture, your resume has your email. Talk about first impressions — freak out later, then eventually search for your rights. If we don’t want to share details of our private lives with family, it’s not an overstatement that sharing everything with strangers isn’t advisable.
I asked my dad, as I always do when I have something difficult to synthesize: how would you put this if you had to start the conversation? During breakfast, we spoke of how much weed marketing students smoked in the second decade of this technology driven century to come up with the idea of a letter F logo on a freaking pack of cookies, and then I looked for it on the beer I was drinking and there it was, printed on the aluminium can. I’m not sure if he was trying to bring me to reason just because I mentioned something illegal in our country. Actually, this week I saw good news about weed and bad news about weed, but you’d never guess, man. What he told me was that basically every product delivered by someone in commerce can only bring more profit if there are ways to make sure the customer comes back. And so we had a very indirect discussion about the amazing concept of fidelity — without even mentioning Cuba! Of course, he’s right. But do I just pretend that I live in the United States so that people can be faithful stalkers shilded by the law? Sorry, dad. What bothers me is, like I said on LinkedIn (God knows what they’re doing on Twitter these days), there’s technology today that’s supposed to make life easier, but we can’t afford it. I wonder what an Android 12 can do. I know I got a Go Edition, and Instagram sometimes gets stuck uploading the same 15 second story for an entire hour on the bad days, then you’re stuck on one account while you need to be looking at another, cause you can’t log out, and it doesn’t post (so you have to wait until they decide the upload failed). I still think it’s a joke that the Facebook address is Hacker Lane. Are they a cybersecurity company? Last time I checked (and you can feast on the core of my litterhole if you think I’m being ungrateful, Suckerberg), they were posting memes. One of them was nice: orchestras are just cover bands of past centuries. I was so happy, especially because the post has over 70 thousand likes and I have 18 complete plays on Bandcamp. I don’t think I wanna talk about iPhones, LeBron James doing ads for Samsung and CNN following or even the concept of BTS having almost 1.5 billion views on YouTube with a song called Dynamite — I mean, sorry, but aren’t they right below North Korea and their random missile testing? Is that why they’re brilliant? I don’t get it. Cause, last time I checked, the music was basically torture. But I mean, yeah, customer fidelity. I think we’re closer to porn fidelity (great channel, check it out). No, I am not dating Aria Nathaniel.
When my old phone couldn’t access WiFi anymore, I discovered a dark world. It was actually, coincidentally, right before COVID started, and I was there trying to search for how to unroot an Android. I like Star Wars, haven’t watched all the new movies, but I think the chances of me watching a YouTube video that proves my life isn’t real, just like birds, and I’m actually Kylo Ren, are very high. And Disney can totally sue me — because AI. The thing about AI is I can’t put I before A. Such a philosophical debate. Alphabet is a company now. If you’ve ever watched a CEO giving an interview (here’s Julie), you know they use the company name a lot, but maybe they occasionally slip a “we”. But we means you and I, a very important thing in education (I quote a lot), not I and A. Of course, that’s a teeenage troll’s argument, but it’s still an argument. And speaking of trolls, has anyone noticed the number of scams in apps? Maybe it’s a payment that doesn’t arrive. Maybe it’s how much Brazil wants to tell everyone our digital economy is so strong we’ve made 1 trillion worth of transactions with our new payments tool. But sorry, a strong digital economy in Brazil? No, buddy. Brazil is a lot closer to the TikTok of the flying kick because a friend ghosted them on the messaging app. Speaking of which… well, that’s not my job. But a pressing issue is monogamy, and while the general impression might still be that sexting is cheating, some people would say that it might be “not bad enough to matter“. And those people matter too.