My breakfast was expensive. It might be the inflation — of my ego.

Today was supposed to be a happy day. I’ve taken a lesson on Jack Dorsey’s transparency rules, which was: trust Jack Dorsey. And yes, I do realize that a few days ago I was posting about another major tech company. Some people might call me distracted, a trouble-maker, undecided, misinformed, lazy. Man, I’ve heard worse. I just thought I could celebrate the fact that I’ve been doing work on my own in spite of all my family situation, in spite of the government, in spite of the internet. But that’s some kind of contradiction. I rely on the internet, and the same might be true for my family. Sorry, but you’ll have to stop reading if you expect me to say that I rely on the Brazilian government. And while that’s not the point of the blog, I’ll share some points ahead.

Brazil, in every conversation I have with my dad, avid player of Doctor Bingo and a YouTube sleeper, is represented as a country with many resources. While people in the US and across the world talk about energy solutions being on Elon Musk’s hands, we know that’s not entirely true. The man has money, he wants to go to space. What the fuck? Sure, I can understand a plan to provide broadband to impoverished regions, but that doesn’t begin to tackle the issue of poverty, and I believe I don’t have to explain why. For the same reason why it wasn’t cool to see grandma say goodbye on a videocall — but have you seen Zoom’s share prices? And here we go again, the streaming wars, except now it’s for lives and certification. In funerals, of course. But Musk (who’s not Raymond Tusk from House of Cards, a man with strong ties with Asia) wants to make cars electric. Thing is he’s not fucking alone. Major companies have said they’ll do the same. We begin talking about resources. And then, three things always come up in the conversation with my dad. Today it was the man’s name. Then he mentioned graphene and niobium. Both elements are supposed to give materials more strength, and he argued: “an electric car today can take a whole day to charge itself, and with that technology, it could take about 2 hours”. And he continued to talk about what that could mean for smartphones. The first material is most largely produced by a Japanese company, valued in $2B. Reports from 2019 say that the Japanese have agreed to produce a conducer product in Brazil. But I don’t think there’s anything being said about the evolution of those deals and product adaptation and scaling. The cool thing about talking to my dad is I don’t know if I’m wrong about everything and the president is a cult man who reads The New Yorker, who posted about graphene in 2014, or I was just be trying to be nice, because obviously the man has a staff. At one point, stopping my dad, I said: “but what about Evo Morales?” — we had spoken about lithium before.

Now I’m not an enthusiast of the whole financial hubs and innovation mindset. People might even know me as an enthusiast of other things, given the fact that we live (how is that possible?) in the year of 2021. But it strikes me as important. What I don’t appreciate is the advertising. Some of us are forever mocked for the hypothetical capacity of thinking ahead, but never in the present. Others, depending on who judges, are praised for their hypothetical presence, and a future based on mockery of the past. An entire set of attitudes that show lack of care for others as a way of life. The current man in office has some funny jokes — and I could say: among white men who have never touched a book cover; but reality is more crude here in Brazil, and these people certainly don’t vote for him. But that’s precisely the danger. And the humor. How can we trust a person who denies the past (in countless, insistent defenses of military regime in Brazilian territory), denies the present (in the battle against a pandemic with worldwide consensus of health precautions he ignored and campaigned against; in the climate policy obtusiveness, failing to attend meetings the entire developed world attended and emphasized their importance, because they believe in science and didn’t advertise religion to win elections); and dares to see a future for himself at the spotlight? For how long are we going to allow this to happen?

And then I remember the year of 2015, when Donald Trump was campaigning. I had left a home with a person who had lived with me for 10 years, lost a job, lost another partner, dogs, books, clothes, computers and phones, friends in and out of the country, even babies, for Christ’s sake. And so I had a bed. I was visited by spiders, stray cats and even a friendly bat, going in circles around my tiny apartment, at the bank of a thin river near the bridge of the city neighboring the country’s biggest port. I had a part time job. 300 bucks, which I spent on food and cigarettes. I remember how much I walked just to get a fresh meal to eat: literally 14 miles. That’s 24 kilometers, by the way No conversation. Only noodles and 5 bucks for the next tickets. Alright, that happened once. But there were other occasions. Sometimes it was 14 miles, sometimes it was 7. For what reason, Lord? I must’ve not learned much. I don’t thnk I’ve made my dad proud, ever. I surely don’t vote with him. I wasn’t there, at that time of my life (and they’d make up a story in the media about the ex-president having an apartment in the same city shown to him as an irregular side payment with public money, the man was put in prison and everything), thinking about who to vote. I was thinking about who to be with. And I knew the answer. But that was far from the main necessity. When I came back, we spoke on speaker phone. She was in her car. I just heard laughter. They were laughing. 14 miles every day. My entire salary. My oldest shirt. A necklace. Love songs. Laughter. So I don’t know. When I think about more than 10 bucks on a breakfast for myself today, it’s kinda selfish. Because I’d already drank. And they all did. But they didn’t vote with me. Neither of them. And you know what? I’ve wasted too much of my energy on people who don’t give a fuck.

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