Ivo, 31, available. Does that sound credible? Maybe you don’t like my name. How it sounds. Makes you uncomfortable cause it’s sort of exotic. Name of a country, thesis from a German philosopher, funny joke, whatever. Available, though. Who’s there? Available? We’re fucking desperate. Are you kidding? I’m not here to showcase my skills, brother. I’m looking for stability because we’re spinning and spinning and the cultures of the world don’t seem to agree on one single thing, even if it’s the exact same. Wait, what did he say? Nah, that’s not it. Translation work. I translated a version for Portuguese and there was a hobo who fought against the mafia in a boxing ring. Give and take. Tit for tad. Quid pro quo. What the hell was it about? Spent 20 days working an hour or so to find the best replacements. 800 bucks. But in the end I lost my one shot at getting my life back on track. Cause someone left me, cause someone left her.
Now that virtual classrooms are a topic for editorials, not just academics — and teachers who are there despite their academic performance, merit, name, whatever — it’s one concern, but we’re not gonna tune in on CNN and Chris Cuomo’s gonna say “well, when that kid called me a nigga, Don, I felt like I finally understood you. But then I went back home, you know? And my kid doesn’t know I gotta find the right tone to explain how this is wrong. But he’s just a kid, and he’s my kid. You know what I’m saying?” “No, I feel you, Chris, we, uh, I’ve had experiences like that”. And then we don’t skip the conversation. But the topics are: poison for journalists, chopping heads off for teachers, lynching for politicians, money for businessmen — very serious and respectable people, come on, they wear suits.
I feel like some people don’t understand what I’m doing. I’m not doing this for me. At all. If I were, I’d spend the next 5 bucks on weed, it’s right at the corner. Have some insight. Come up with a scale. On the next day (I’d have the amp working, I’d have the strings, I’d have the motivation, I’d have the friends, the connections, call it network, call it contacts, call it what you will except testimony) I’d post a new song. And bang, likes. Likes and not much else. Is this what I’m preparing people to face? What happened to human relationships?
And so I’m here thinking about tomorrow. My first class since I got the news from a friend who said my name in a conversation with his wife, and then I mentioned hers, and then I got a job. Here’s the material. I saw it, I thought, fuck, what the hell am I supposed to do to fix this? And somehow the story is completely different. I’m trying to show people what I can do. Tomorrow, I’ll assess. They probably will too, but don’t we have, like, COVID? I’ll be on video. The topic is not gonna be my genitals. Let’s see, a transparency update? A case for SCOTUS? Who the hell knows. Maybe nothing. Maybe something, for me.
And this is what a blog feels like.